Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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