Yo dont text me then not text me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
