is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
