Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
