.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
