he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
