dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
