put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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