somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
