made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
