my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
