So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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