Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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