Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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