Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.