need another drink. this is the easiest way
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments