where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...