In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
