so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's the barista slut.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
