Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
