This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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