I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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