I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
