Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
