just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
