question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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