the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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