Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
