I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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