the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize