Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
