My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
