I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
