I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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