Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize