I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
