We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
