You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
