She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize