Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dicks are not precious.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
