Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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