dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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