I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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