That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
