you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
