My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
