New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
