a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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