I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to align my fucking chakras
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
