Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
