So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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