thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
