plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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