I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
