I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize