U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
