Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
