That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
