i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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