Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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