strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
