Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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