the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
