Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
