I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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