Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
